Countdown to Eclipse

I sit here now with the realization that I’m not very manly.  Yes, I’m 6’5”.  Yes, I’m super handsome.  Yes, I grow beards easily and they always look awesome.  But there’s something inside that betrays my outward appearance.  I’ve tried atoning for my girlishness by eating red meat multiple times daily and skinning dead animals in my free time but it is to no avail.  I’m a girly-man through and through.

Is it because my ring finger nail is painted hot pink?  No.  Is it because I cried a few months ago when my cat died?  Not even close.  Is it because I’m secretly a woman?  No.  Not even that would make me as girly as I really am.   It’s because I sit before you as excited as any pre-teen female  that the premiere of Eclipse is just hours away.

Before work I role played with my cats.  Alex was Bella (sorry, buddy), Keyes assumed the role of that fuck face Edward, and Jasper,  named after the character in the book, played his namesake.  I rocked the role of Jacob since I’ve been tanning and I’m pretty sure I’m like 1/64th Native American anyway.  Together we re-enacted the scene from New Moon where Jasper almost kills Bella on her birthday.  I took some liberties and introduced Jacob in the scene.  Instead of Edward saving the day (so unlikely since he’s a homo) Jacob busts in the Cullen household and thrashes around like a maniac until Bella rips off her clothes and they both run off into the woods to get crazy on each other.

After that I flexed in the mirror for about 5 minutes trying to phase.  It didn’t work.  It never does.  I can feel myself getting close, though.

Yeah, so I’m a little obsessed.  I’ve read all the books, seen the movies, visited the forums, wrote Kristen Stewart fan mail in my own blood pleading with  her to choose Jacob over that sissy, etc, etc.  But I think it’s totally normal.  We all have hobbies.  Some of us play guitar, others fantasize of living in Forks, Washington and living amongst wolves in their free time.

I have pre-scored Eclipse 10 glittery chests out of 10.

Christmas Vacation Highlights

- Won $3.52 in the family .05/.1 holiday poker game.

- Hung out with Brad.  Watched as he defended himself from a horny Black Labrador most of the night.

- Watched A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, and caught the last 10 minutes of Vegas Vacation.  I plan on taking a week and catching some old classics that I’ve missed, such as Vegas Vacation, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, etc.

- Played Catch Phrase with the aforementioned Brad and his family.  Guys vs. Girls – guys won 5-1.

Friends, family, and food – the only things required for a good vacation in my opinion.  Of course it’s worth mentioning that while away Mini (one of our 2 cats) left little Easter eggs of shit everywhere for April and I to find and dispose of when we got home.  Thanks, Min!  So glad we rescued you from the streets!!